Disturbed
Disturbance #1
As I was "studying" this weekend and required background noise I flipped through the channels. First I found the cheerleading championships and that depressed me. Little did I know that I was going to stumble across the Ms. Olympia contest. Now this competition really disturbed me. For one, female bodybuilders were prancing on the stage to about a 60 to 90 second montage and displaying their "athleticism." I thought about the contrast between the two competitions and while I find them both disturbing I found the bodybuilder competition more disturbing. I didn't understand why these muscular women felt the need to subject themselves to a unnatural performance. The next performance involved another music montage except this time the more "muscular" ladies used the montage as time to flex their muscles . . . I am still slightly disturbed by how much of the show I actually watched.
Disturbance #2
So this isn't so much of a disturbance but more of an annoyance. Why when waiting for an elevator does nobody assume that people would be getting off the elevator? It never fails every time I wait to step on the elevator some arrogant soul feels the need to make that step towards the elevator before anyone can step off? It isn't as if the elevator will take off faster if he/she is on it. There always is the possibility that it may fill up but I disregard this as an option considering most people adhere to elevator etiquette and let those before them board first.
Interesting to note that spell check wanted to replace cheerleaders with charlatans - ponder
Battle of the Crowd
So this weekend I came to the conclusion that men do NOT know how to navigate their way through a crowd. I went to Lincoln Fest to see Hello Dave with Scott the crowds quickly built up. There I was weaving in and out, in new shoes none-the-less, and I saw Scott about 50 ft behind me constantly being stopped and obstructed by the crowd.
In instance #2 of this revelation I had to walk back to the vendor selling sangria for as much as beer (why would I drink beer if sangria cost just as much?) who was at least 500 ft away from the stage & 1 of Scott's friends went to the vendor 25 ft away to get a beer. I returned before he did. Now I do realize that a) his line could have been longer b) he could have been picking up a girl c) really slow service; however, I realized that a girl left after I came back went to the same beer vendor he did and came back before he did. Are males just slower than females?
Or is it that men are too nice when walking through a crowd? If a male was to push his way through a crowd the same way a woman would I am pretty sure he would be called an asshole, especially if he cut off a female. Yet, why is the reverse true for females? Why are they(me) allowed to cut and slice their way through a crowd without being called bitches?
Now I found myself caught. Was I being a bitch? I distinctly remember thinking that the line of 3 girls holding hands and cutting their way through the crowd were bitches. Primarily because they stepped on my foot . . .
Note - when spell checking the recommended spelling for asshole is Ashley (I'll make sure to never name my daughter Ashley)
Cynic
As I was fervently attempting to write my thesis . . . okay not really I was stuck and needed a break I decided to use the old procrastination from college AIM. Unexpectedly an old acquiantance ( I guess that is the nicest thing to call him) imed me out of the blue. We never got along in college and I found it odd that he imed me, but due to my dire circumstance (the need to procrastinate and not have another soul to aid me in this endeavor) I decided to respond.We started with a general conversation and then things turned to what we both we doing, him getting his DVM and me my masters and eventually a PhD. Now here is where I made a huge mistake - me joking said (typed) "It's not fair that you will have your doctorate in 5 yrs and mine will take at least 7. A PhD must be better than a DVM." Certainly he must have known I was merely joking; however he decided to launch into a tirade abt how I am a cynic & critic, blah blah blah. I signed off.However upon further reflection I did realize I am a cynic and I don't think I like it too much. I always chalked it more up to jealousy. Jealous that former roommates and friends could go out and drink and not feel guilty about the money they spent. Jealous that they could be carefree or seemingly so. My thoughts were only confirmed by a discussion with my thesis prof when I told him that I didn't know if I really could complete a thesis. After a discussion he asks/tells me "I imagine you haven't been foolish recently." I was devastated that I couldn't prove him wrong.The last things that come to my mind of instances when I was foolish . . . - Ecuador - Skinny dipping/sliding down a really large concrete water slide buck naked. If you were naked it went a lot faster and it was worth it. (Summer 2003)
- Ecuador - making out with Ecuadorian men (Summer 2003)
- Sophomore yr- making out with 3 different Scotts in the same weekend.
- Freshman yr- pretty much in general most of the things I did were foolish but alas fun and very much worth it.
I feel as a 22 year old going on 23 shortly my list of recently foolish items should be a lot longer than that. What is wrong with me? Is it wrong to be a driven person? Currently, my answer is yes! Being a driven person has caused me stress that I choose to deal with by myself which in turn causes more stress . . . I'll have to figure this problem out. Suggestions welcome.
It Begins
I am suffering the repercussions of being forced to grow up too early. I really do mean too early. While I enjoy the person I have become there are several aspects of my being that I am finding extremely difficult to change.
- Recognizing the fact that I can be focused and have fun at the same time - Some how this idea seems to elude me. I had a good handle on it freshman and sophomore year of college then I focused on my higher education, what a mistake! There are plenty of people in the world who are doing better than I am who did not work nearly has hard as I did in college. What happened to me?
- The more I try not to mimic my parents the more like them I become- Really generally people eventually think this is a good attribute; however, I am the product of a divorce and remarriage and considering that I feel I highlight the worst traits of my parents this cannot be good.
- Stress - it will be the death of me, I can almost guarantee it. I do not handle it very well.
- Almost linked to #3, I have become increasingly emotional. Generally, this would be a good attribute considering I learning very well when I was young how to hide my emotions.
Finally, as adulthood and responsibility loom closer to me the more I want to shirk away.
